VEGATUBULZ R PE0PUL T00 message for the 10,000th time in
the last month, I was inspired to leave the house and make a dramatic
change in my eating habits. As I pulled up to the McDonald's drive-thru
and gazed at the death infested menu which was so obviously responsible
for breast cancer, arthritis, Erik Estrada, racism, and every tragedy
in the last 9,000,000 years, Jai's words really touched me and I had a
change of heart. Instead of my usual "Can I have a #3 combo with a
coke, please?", I shouted,
"Y0 B1TCH! I WANT A FUKN QUADRO-P0UNDER W1TH N0 FUKN VEGETABULZ 0R SH1T THAT GR0WZ 0N TREEZ!""Ok sir, you wanted a Quarter pounder, just plain, is that correct?"
"N0 B1TCH! I ZED I WANTED A FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER! G3T IT R1TE 0R DIE!"(quiet laughter heard through speaker)
"A what pounder?!"
"A FUKN QUADR0-P0UNDER!""Uh.. I don't think we have that. Are you sure you don't mean a quarter pounder?"
"N0 I D0N'T MEEN A FUKN MEEZLY AZZ QUARTUR P0UNDER! HERE'Z WHAT I WANT - 2 FUKN D0UBLE QUARTER P0UNDERZ PUT T0GETHER 2 MAKE 1 QUADR0 P0UNDER!""Ooohhh.. you want two double quarter pounders then?"
"N0 B1TCH! I WANT 1 FUKN QUADR0 P0UNDER! TAKE THE 2 D0UBLEZ, PUT THEM T0GETHUR AND GIV ME 1 QUADR0! U G0T IT YET BRAINIAK?"(more laughter and employees looking out the back entrance window)
"Oh! Ok.. I think we can do that. Would you like cheese on that?"
"FUK N0 B1TCH! I WANT 4 H0T SLABZ 0F C0W DETH 0N A BUN WITH N0 FUKING HIPPIE AZZ VEGETABULZ! I ALZ0 D0NT WANT ANY FUKING LAME VEGAN FRIEZ 0R ANY TYPE 0F RECYKULD PAKAGING. N0 KUP, N0 BAG, N0 WRAPPERZ.. PUT THE SHIT 0N THE WIND0W K0UNTER THING AND I WILL TAKE IT. AND TELL JAI T0 G0 FUK A K0K0NUT T00!""Who?!"
"FUK IT & GIMME THAT WHICH IZ THE S0URCE 0F ALL EVIL... N0W!""Thank you. Please drive to the 2nd window."
For the record, I got my fucking Quadro pounder and it r0cked.
I am faxing McDonald's tomorrow and demanding that this awesome item
be permanently added to every McDonald's menu around the world.
I'm a meat eater.
I'm hypertensive.
I'm violent.
And if you get in between me and a plate of animal death, I will fucking kill your pathetic ass and then go kill some trees in order to build a coffin to bury you in.
DETH IZ IMMINENT. THE EARTH MUZT DIE. MEAT EATERZ ARE THE MAJ0RITY AND WE'R FUKIN PISSED. GIVE US WHAT WE WANT 0R BE PREPARED T0 FACE THE WRATH.