| ON TV TONIGHT | ||||||
| 7:00pm | 7:30pm | 8:00pm | 8:30pm | 9:00pm | 9:30pm | |
| On Air | ||||||
| CBS | Cosby | The Cosby Show | Everybody Loves Cosby | Cosby, Texas Ranger | Kids Say the Cutest Frickin' Things | |
| NBC | Dateline | Dateline | Dateline | Dateline | Best of Dateline | |
| ABC | The Nauseating World of Disney | Sappy Days | Boredom Meets World | 2 Guys a Girl and a Whole Lotta Warm-Fuzzies | ||
| Fox | Real Humans in Real Pain | Feral Dingoes Eating Children on Tape | Jiggle It Beach | L.A. Chicks | Beverly Hills 90210: The 90,210th Episode | |
| UPN | The Unwatchables | Voyage to the Bottom of the Ratings | Theoretically Existing Show | Praying for Syndication | Star Trek: White Trash in Space | |
| WB | Where My Wife At? | Gittin' Yo Freak On | Me & My Psychic | Kids Suck the Darndest Things | Dawson's Clothes | |
| Cable/Satellite | ||||||
| Animal Planet |
Incontinent Rhinos | Dan Taylor: Mongoose Optometrist | STAY! | They Smell Fear, Don't They? | ||
| E! | Andy Gibb: A Nightmare Descent into Drugs and Alcohol | Margot Kidder: A Nightmare Descent into Drugs and Alcohol | Boy George: A Nightmare Descent into Drugs and Alcohol | |||
| ESPN2 | Finland's Brutalest Men | Being Hit By A Trolley Regional Semifinals | 60 Minutes Of Joe Theismann's Leg Breaking | Co-Ed Spread-Eagled Weight Training From Maui | ||
| SCI-FI | Space: 1972 | The Bermuda Triangle: Myth or Fiction? | Mid-Budget Galaxy | |||
| Lifetime | How Can I Choose Between My Daughters? | The Abused Wife Who Didn't Mean To Kill Her Policeman Husband In Self-Defense | The Boy Whose Mommy Watched Far Too Much Television | |||
| TNN | Well, I'll Be Dipped In Pigshit! | You Hush Up, Wanda Mae | Sheeeeeeee-It! | Hold 'Er Down While I Get The Rifle From The Truck | ||
| Telemundo | ¡Whoomp! ¿Dondé Esta? | ¡Roberto Amoroso En Agua Caliente! | ¡Gooooooooooooal! | ¡Ai! ¡Ai! ¡Ai! ¡Ai! ¡Ai! | La Hora De Goya | |
| Public Access |
Blurry Steve | Inaudible City Council Meeting | Do We Have A Caller On The Line? Hello? Hello? | Best of Middle School Lunch Menus | My Friend Made This Short Film | Men With Braids Speak Out |
| Cinemax | Bare Ambition (Tanya Roberts) | Naked Exposition (Traci Lords) | Body of Nudity (Dana Plato) | Unclothed Anguish (Joyce DeWitt) | ||
(apologies to an Onion article I read years ago)
Thu Dec 9 20:34:29 CST 1999 /cvk